The Full Story
A little about me. I was born in Baltimore, MD, and moved to Pennsylvania with my family in the mid-1970’s. I was going on eleven years old. It was a tragic and horrible time for me, going into 7th grade, entering puberty, lacking in confidence and self-esteem, coming from an abusive and neglectful background (although I had yet to recognize this for what it was) and filled with fears of everything imaginable. It is amazing that I made it through 8th grade and was able to start high school. I suffered from depression, was often suicidal, withdrawn and extraordinarily shy. I was also greasy, covered with acne, slump shouldered (I later learned I have mild scoliosis), wore coke bottle glasses, and I swear I wore the ugliest shoes my dad could find every fall for school.
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High school was pretty miserable. I shall not dwell on it.
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When I actually graduated from high school, it was a miracle. I began college at Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania (back then it was Bloomsburg State College) as a summer freshman in 1983. I did the usual stupid college stuff: partied, drank (I was underage), and slept around. I longed so desperately to fit in, that I did what I thought it took to “belong.” However, by the beginning of my sophomore year, I realized how I empty I was and how there was no real pleasure in getting drunk and kissing the porcelain god, or wandering home wasted at three in the morning. Usually alone—which was pretty stupid.
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However—the best thing that ever happened in my life occurred at Bloomsburg. One night, after sinking lower than I ever had before, I called a friend of mine who happened to be a Christian. I sort of kind of knew this; but looking back, out of perhaps a dozen people I could have called, it was her number I dialed, and she was available and willing on a Wednesday night around ten o’clock to come and talk to me. And I remember sitting on my bed in my dorm room, confessing my sins and my emptiness to her, feeling as though I had no hope or future. And she told me of a Savior who loved me despite my sin, who wanted to come and live in my heart and guide me and be with me forever, who had died on a cross and his blood would wash me clean forever—
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That night I met Jesus Christ, and my life has never been the same.
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I graduated college. I wandered for a bit—you’ll probably hear more of this at some other point. I met the love of my life, one Robert Sweeney, affectionately called “Bobert” by me. He became a part of my life during a long sojourn in State College, PA. We will have been married thirty years this September. Although we wanted more children, God blessed us with an extremely wonderful and lovely daughter. Her name is Grace. She is named for my mom (also a Grace) and as a precious reminder of God’s glorious grace and mercy which he shows us every day. She is now 25. (Don’t worry, you will learn more of her later!)
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About four years ago, after stupidly living a year and feeling awful, I learned I had Stage 3 Endometrial cancer. I underwent surgery for a complete hysterectomy. I have been cancer free since, but underwent chemotherapy to be sure all the cancer was removed. It was a time of brokenness, of amazing strength that was not my own, of tears and rebellion, of growth and joy and struggle. I will always be thankful for this difficult time in my life.
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Late last year, a dear, sweet young mom I know received a lung cancer diagnosis. I wanted very badly to be able to minister to her in some way, and asked if she would like encouragement as she walks her cancer journey. These blogs, at least some of them, were written to encourage her, to help her as she struggles through the ideas of suffering, of our freedom in Christ, our need to submit even through pain to our loving Savior, to deny ourselves, and to grow closer to Him.
Even if you aren’t a Christian, I would encourage you to read along. They are not sad or depressing to read—quite the opposite! And I will add other thoughts and topics as I feel the need to pour out my heart. You may also be tortured with some of my poetry!
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I pray these words encourage you, bring joy and laughter to your heart, and that maybe somehow, in some way, you will get to know my Jesus too! For he loves you, so much that he died for you, to give you new life, new eyes, a new heart, and freedom in him!
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Solo Deo Gloria!
Katrina 😊